the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
