So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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