then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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