update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
