she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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