we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he thought i was a dude.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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