I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
