i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
