Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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