at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
