I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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