it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am puke
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
