so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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