I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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