I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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