you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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