you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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