New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
