We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
