tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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