i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
