dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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