Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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