For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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