Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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