I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
