How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
