wrigley field is MILF paradise
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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