When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
