sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
