just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
