Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
