If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
