yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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