I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
