My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
