I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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