so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think my fart just growled at me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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