i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
