this beer tastes like vomit already
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
