found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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