The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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