wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
