I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
