He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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