Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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