i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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