hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
