Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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