were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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