He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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