There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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