Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
