So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it because I queefed?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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