a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
