I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
