every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
