we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
