Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
