He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
