I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
