My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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