its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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