I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You were trust falling into bushes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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