i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
we should paint friendship bongs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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