Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
