I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
