awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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