Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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