Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
