now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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