I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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