So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
