So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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