last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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