never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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