Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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