I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
