"it" just moved
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
...so i touched it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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