you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
