Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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