She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
