ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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