is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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